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Exciting Mighty Mite Soccer Action

Humorous look at my (Coach Mike's) experiences coaching my daughter in Mighty Mite (under 4) soccer this year.

Nigel: Good afternoon.

Clive: Today’s match is sure to be an exciting battle between two Mighty Mite powerhouses, the Ermineskin Tigers and the Kaskitayo Wildcats. The Tigers are looking to bounce back from what was quite a setback last week against a powerful Yellowbird squad.

Nigel: Yes, Clive, a few minutes ago, I spoke with the coach of the Tigers, to find out what they have been working on in practice. He told me he has been focusing on getting the team to kick the ball towards the correct goal.

Clive: Yes, that seemed to be a problem for them last week.

Nigel: The Tigers have also been practicing sitting on a blanket, waiting for their turn to substitute into the game. Coach Mike hopes this will prevent the large amount of chaos during most games when he is trying to figure out whose turn it is to play.

Clive: Right, OK Nigel, and what do we have for the injury report?

Nigel: Well, Clive today is #15 Anita’s dance recital, so unfortunately she will not be playing for the Tigers today. The other thing I can tell you is that # 11 Annabelle did not sleep well last night, and so she’s a little cranky today.

Clive: A little cranky?

Nigel: Yes, a little cranky and whiny - and let’s see if we can get a shot here - yes, there she is, on the sidelines. And you can see that she is sitting in her mother’s lap, and her mother is holding her tightly. So I can say - at this time, she’ll be a game time decision. We’ll see if she’ll be ready to go.

Clive: OK. I think we are ready to go, now the coaches are coming on to the pitch. The pitch is marked, as usual, with orange pylons at the edges, and other orange pylons to mark the goals. And we will be playing three on three with no goalkeepers, the Tigers are sitting on their blanket -

Nigel: And there seems to be some confusion, the Wildcats are all clustered all around the Tigers on the blanket and now the Wildcats coach is hustling over to get them onto the field.

Clive: Yes, and the Tigers have a clear path to the goal, there is no impediment to them scoring. They are slowly making their way down the field, Kelly is kicking the ball - and she breaks away, she runs to Coach Mike and grabs his hand - she’s pointing at something, I can’t make out what it is -

Nigel: It’s a kite. Someone is flying a kite in the next field.

Clive: Yes, she’s spotted a kite and she is pretty excited about it. And now the Wildcats have returned to the field, they outnumber the Tigers. They are kicking the ball, #4 has taken control, and he’s kicking it down the field. He’s making good progress, he’s only got one player to beat -

Nigel: #9, Kevin is the only one in the way -

Clive: Yes, but for some reason he’s completely rooted in place. He hasn’t moved, I don’t think, since this match started -

Nigel: I think you’re right, Clive, he’s just been standing completely still the whole time.

Clive: And now the ball is past him, the ball is past him and the Wildcats kick it between two orange pylons. It’s not a goal, it’s been kicked between the pylon that marks the edge of the field and so it’s no goal although the Wildcats are celebrating as if they have scored.

Nigel: Some of the parents are clapping too.

Clive: And now it’s time to switch, a new group of three Tigers and three Wildcats come out onto the field, and the ball is returned to the middle of the field. The players rush to it, they are kicking it - and now #8 Aiden has stopped to crouch in the grass, he’s spotted something, he’s showing it to his teammates -

Nigel: They are all crouching there now - I can’t make out what it is -

Nigel: It’s a ladybug, Clive.

Clive: Yes, it’s a ladybug and all the Tigers have stopped to look at the ladybug and the Wildcats take the ball, they are unopposed, they run to the other end and kick it between the pylons marking the posts. And so the Wildcats score, the Wildcats score. And now Coach Mike is taking #17 Sophie off the field, towards the group of trees on the hill. Is she injured? I didn’t see -

Nigel: I didn’t see anything either.

Clive: Now they’ve gone behind the trees, I can’t see what’s happening -

Nigel: I think she has to pee.

Clive: Yes, you’re right Nigel, she had to pee. It’s quite a windy day, so that’s an unfortunate development for Coach Mike and his pants, by the look of things. And so now #17 Sophie and the coach are returning to the field, where the Tigers are sorely in need of some help, they are outnumbered - and now #3 Whitney has the ball. Whitney #3 on the Tigers has it, and she is quite strong on it, she’s running quite strongly -

Nigel: Yes, she’s quite a strong player, even without the glasses she wears during practice.

Clive: She’s still going, but she’s going the wrong way - she’s headed to the sidelines. Now she’s left the field, she’s still got the ball and she’s still going -

Nigel: And now the parents are shouting at her, trying to get her going in the right direction.

Clive: Everyone’s shouting now, the coaches and the parents, but Whitney keeps going. And now Coach Mike is running after her to retrieve her and the ball, but she’s gone over a hill.

Nigel: She’s quite a fast little runner.

Clive: And I think now, yes we’ll take a quick commercial break.
***

Clive: Welcome back, everyone, we’re back. We’re back and in a tough break for the Tigers, someone has brought a dog to the sidelines -

Nigel: A golden retriever, I believe, Clive.

Clive: Yes, a golden retriever, I believe you’re correct, and all the Tigers are at the sidelines petting the dog and so the Wildcats have scored at least two or three goals. Coach Mike is trying to herd his squad either back to the blanket or onto the field and not having much success -

Nigel: It’s like herding cats.

Clive: OK, now he’s had some success, he’s got most of his players back to the blanket but nobody seems to want to get onto the field. He’s got Aiden out there, now Aiden is playing but he is badly outnumbered -

Nigel: I think I will mention at this point, Clive, that I spoke to Coach Mike during the break, and he told me that the parent assigned to bring the snack to the game today did not show up. And so the Tigers have had no snack today.

Clive: No snack?

Nigel: Yes, there was no snack and so that probably explains why the Tigers seem to be low on energy.

Clive: OK, and now in a surprise development #11 Annabelle, who had a bad sleep last night, is coming onto the field. She’s holding her mother’s hand, and they’re coming on to the field together.

Nigel: She’s got quite a tight grip there.

Clive: So now they are both running around, Annabelle and her mother holding hands, chasing the ball, and now #6 on the Wildcats has it. He has it and kicks it and it hits Annabelle in the shin. And now she’s crying. She’s crying and her mother picks her up and heads back to the sidelines.

Nigel: She really shouldn’t have been playing today, Clive. She would have been better off having a nap instead.

Clive: Yes, and now Aiden has lost interest too. I think everyone has lost interest and so I think that - yes, they are calling the game. The game is over. Nobody has any idea what the score was. And so thanks, once again, for joining us everyone, and we’ll see you next week for more exciting soccer action.